


right now, i want you here with me

by panicmoonwalker



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, a classic trope tm, but i promise, look this is gonna get worse before it gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 17:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19480912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panicmoonwalker/pseuds/panicmoonwalker
Summary: She appears in his dreams every night. Jake dreams of what future they could have had. Their planned cheap honeymoon to the Berkshires, waking up next to his wife every day for the rest of their lives, starting a family.





	right now, i want you here with me

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to jo (fumxro) and paige (smortsantiagos) on twitter for dealing with my hysterics while writing this - this is for you.
> 
> title from right now by one direction

The first thing Jake notes in loud consistent beeps, then bright light shining through his eyelids and a harsh pain in his side. He opens his eyes and closes them immediately. It’s too bright and everything is beginning to hurt as he continues to wake up.

Jake feels a hand fall to his knees softly and slowly he peels his eyes open. His own mother’s face comes into focus, and she’s crying. Relief or grief he can’t tell. Victor then comes into view, and he’s holding Camila as she begins to sob loudly.

“Mom?” Jake croaks, “What happened?”

But he doesn’t need her to answer as he squeezes his eyes shut and flashes appear of Amy in her sweats on their wedding day with a nicotine patch on her forehead, and Teddy proposing to her _again_. He remembers the relief of Teddy announcing there was no bomb after they arrested Dario Moretti. He sees her in her wedding dress, performing his rap vows and her heartfelt words. Then -- loud bangs, building collapsing, fire and finally darkness.

“Amy- Is she okay?” Jake attempts to sit up but pain begins to shoot up his chest and he grimaces.

“Jake…” Karen takes a shaky breath before, “You’ve been in a coma for 3 weeks. Th-there was a bomb, it was smaller so the bomb squad didn’t find it, I guess. A-and they searched the building over and over again but…”

“No-”

“They found traces of her but they couldn’t find her body…” Karen swallows, “I’m so sorry Jakey…”

Darkness returns quickly.

+

He doesn’t remember when he wakes up next but he feels nothing but pain. Jake can’t figure out if it’s physical pain or the fact that he’s a widower now. Is he? The bomb went off right as they were about to kiss as husband and wife. They had _just_ gotten married.

Jake can feel his chest tightening and the tears are burning again. His mom is quick to be by his side and she’s asking how he is. He can’t just _accept_ that his wife is gone. “What evidence was at the venue mom?”

“Jake…” Karen sits by him, taking his hand but he pulls away quick.

“What if Dario took her somehow or somebody else?” Jake doesn’t care about the physical pain anymore and he sits up, “I’m a detective I can find her.”

“Jake your squad has been working day and night on it…” Karen explains, “They even looked into Teddy and anyone who knows Dario. But no leads.”

“I haven’t tried yet. One more mind is sometimes all you need to crack a case!” Jake pleads, “Please just ask Holt to bring the case file.”

“They gave it to major crimes and it’s been marked a cold case.” His mom begins to cry quietly as she takes his hand and he begins to shake his head fiercely again. 

“This is fucking stupid! They just gave up! This is Amy! How can they just give up?!” Jake is shouting and crying now, and suddenly Holt runs into the room just as Jake is trying to get out of bed. Holt has to push him down to the bed as Karen calls for a nurse. “How can you give up on her Holt? She can’t be gone, she can’t be-”

“I’m sorry Jake.” Holt is crying with him and he’s holding Jake as close as he possibly can without hurting him, “I am so sorry.”

+

As Amy’s empty casket is lowered into the ground - Jake can say he feels like the world feels like it’s ending. He’s felt like that ever since he woke up. His body healed and yet he was in pain every day. He just knew he would never be truly happy again. 

She appears in his dreams every night. Jake dreams of what future they could have had. Their planned cheap honeymoon to the Berkshires, waking up next to his wife every day for the rest of their lives, starting a family. 

But Amy is dead. He gets to do none of that with her. Jake is alone.

~

Amy wakes up alone in a dark hospital room. It’s dark outside as well; and she tries to survey her surroundings but her body is stiff. Her leg is in a cast and she can feel the skin on her bandaged arm burning very slightly. She groans as she turns her head to her right and she spots her boyfriend asleep in the loveseat.

“Teddy…” She croaks, throat.

Teddy responds in an instant and jumps from the couch to the space next to her. “Oh Amy thank God you’re awake.”

“Where am I? What happened?” Amy slowly sits herself up with Teddy’s help. “I don’t remember anything…”

“Uh, we’re in hospital. There was a fire.” Teddy begins, “I was…- Maybe I should get the doctor.” 

Teddy stands up but Amy pulls him back down. Injured or not - Amy is strong. “Our house caught on fire. I was out on an errand run and most of the house was on fire when I got home and the firefighters were already there and they... they… You were unconscious and burnt and it was so scary Amy.”

She glances down at their hands and sees the rings on both their left hands. “So we lost our home? Did we have any pets or?” 

“No. And no kids yet.” Teddy stands up again, “I need to know… What’s the last thing you remember?” 

“Um… well… I was helping Jake with a case against, uh what was his name…” Amy closes her eyes, “Lucas Wint, that’s his name.” 

“What year is it Ames?” Teddy asks with a desperate look in his eyes.

“Uhm, March 2014?” 

“Oh Amy…” Teddy sighs sadly.

“What year is it?” Amy feels panic rising in her body when he doesn’t respond for a while, “Teddy, you’re scaring me!”

“It’s 2018.” Teddy sighs, “I was _so_ afraid of this happening.”

“It’s 2018…” She takes a deep breath, trying to remain calm, “4 years…”

“I should really get the doctor.”

Amy is alone for a few minutes while Teddy finds their doctor. She begins to try and process everything that she has been told since she woke up. Teddy and her are married, or at least engaged. The ring is beautiful, she didn’t think Teddy would be anything so beautiful and suiting for her. He just didn’t have the eye for that stuff; he’s a brilliant detective but he always struggled with his style choices.

She doesn’t remember anything about the past 4 years but looking at the ring on her finger she can’t help but be pleased that it worked out with Teddy. When the doctor - a relative of Teddy is seems, Dr. Wells - the information overloads her brain to a point where it’s throbbing and she wants to go back to sleep. Third degree burns, fractured leg in two spots, concussion - and he informs her that her baby is miraculously doing well despite the trauma.

“Baby? Amy’s pregnant?” Teddy sounds as shocked as she feels. He did mention that they didn’t have kids yet - but she’s glad he didn’t know either.

“Yes, congratulations you two. It’s truly a miracle that it survived the accident.” The doctor continues to rattle on about her due date, vitamins, her recovery and how he wants to keep a close eye on her to make sure the baby develops well. 

She’s still trying to wrap her head around forgetting 4 years of her life and now she has to think about creating a pregnancy binder. It’s too much for her and she asks to go back to sleep. 

~

When she wakes up again, she feels nauseous. It only gets worse as Teddy fills her in on more information of what she’s missed. It’s the beginning of June, they’ve been married for 3 years, Amy got a job offer in Boston so they had just moved there, and there’s so much more and she’s writing it all down so her head doesn’t explode.

“Where are my parents…?” Amy asks, “They haven’t been here to see me…” 

“Oh Amy…” Teddy sighs dramatically, “I’m so sorry you have to go through this again…”

“What? What happened to my parents?” 

“Your dad had a heart attack about 10 months ago, and your mom… Well, you know that thing where people die of a broken heart? Yeah, her heart gave out a few months later…” He’s in her space to comfort her now and she gladly accepts it as her head began to throb at this news.

“My parents are dead?” Her voice is quiet and weak, it’s quickly becoming too much for her to handle once again. “Please leave Teddy.”

“Amy I-”

“Teddy! I’ve had enough of this! I just need a moment.” She almost screams, her breath is coming up short. Amy manages to ground herself after a few moments after remembering she’s pregnant and the baby probably needs oxygen. 

Their baby that she doesn’t remember discussing in the 3 years of marriage she’s lost. Sure the doctor said that her memory might come back slowly, and that therapy would help her with that. Amy will do anything to get back to normal, but she has to also stay stress free.

She can’t call her mom or dad for help. Her brothers are emotionally stupid as far as she remembers. Teddy is trying his best, but she needs to speak to someone. 

Jake.

Amy doesn’t know why she thinks to call him. They were never super close - becoming decent friends after their bet ended. But were they close enough to call him and tell him how she’s feeling? Does she tell him that she feels like she’s suffocating - that it’s 2018 and she doesn’t remember that she’s married to Teddy and pregnant with his _child_ , that she’s been working in Boston for months and that Donald fucking Trump is president.

She doesn’t have her number on her phone but she worked with him so much that she had to memorise his number. It rings, and rings and rings. But then she’s greeted by an automated voice telling her that the number has been disconnected.

The sadness that envelopes her is inexplicable but there. She doesn’t know how long it’s been since she’s seen him, but she misses him and nothing makes sense.

+

Jake gets his hands on the case file. For months, he studies over what was left at the scene. Her DNA was everywhere and there was no clear trace of her but not physical evidence that she could have burnt to death. There’s no trace or hints at their apartment. He’s gone over surveillance footage for hours in numerous areas around their wedding venue - he hasn’t slept and barely eats. 

He’s required to go back to work after a few months. He’s put on desk duty and is required to go to therapy once a week. The entire squad tries to keep his spirits up as best they can; he loves them for this and he’s lucky to have such a great support behind him. Jake eventually feels like he’s getting to a point where he’s functioning properly and his therapist approves him for field duty. 

Jake gets back into cases. He still doesn’t eat much or sleep a lot. Jake shows up to events, like Nikolaj’s birthday and Shaws for Gina’s farewell party. His life begins to go back to normal in a sense - he makes stupid jokes again and he goes out with his friends.

He continues to live in the apartment he shared with Amy - he doesn’t change anything and it feels so empty. On a nightly basis he can’t escape that Amy is gone and he has nightmares about that day at least once a fortnight. He survives just fine.

~

Amy is in hospital for a few days after she wakes up before they get to go home. Home is a cheap apartment for the time being - they need more time to find a good place where they can raise this kid.

A child. Amy’s still trying to wrap her head around that. She doesn’t remember her marriage with the man she had been dating and now she’s having a kid with him. Before they left they were able to have an ultrasound and got some more information.

_November 26th. Heartbeat. 11 weeks. Real baby._

How Amy got through months of not having a period without noticing before the accident is beyond her. Although she had been in a coma for two weeks - she doesn’t understand how this baby survived. It was a _miracle_ as the doctor has told them repeatedly. 

Amy insists that they go to pick up binders so she can get a start on her pregnancy binders and Teddy is anxious to get home but he remind him that she’s stuck at home for a while for her recovery so she _needs_ the binders. She creates a little nook for her studies with her binders to the side and laptop in her lap. 

Her focus in impenetrable in the few hours she works on the draft of her binder. Teddy spends this time unpacking their new furniture and trying to make it feel like home. Eventually, her head begins to ache so instead she turns on the TV and allows herself to drift off during jeopardy while Teddy begins dinner. 

Drift off isn’t exactly was she does. Her eyes are closed and she’s not paying attention to what’s happening around her but instead she’s lost in thought. They live in Boston now - and have for a few months. It’s not a huge deal, and she doesn’t expect her friends to be texting her every day. But the fact that no one from the 99 has contacted her baffles her. 

They were friends right? She had been in a horrific accident that stole 4 years of her life but she remembers them yet they aren’t listed in her phone and she hasn’t had an email from them at all. To be fair, her phone was burnt in the fire, so this is a new phone and she can’t contact them herself. Amy needed her old friends now more than ever - but instead she was with her supposed husband in a completely different city with no memory of the more serious years of their relationship. What she needed during this time was familiarity and Boston was not familiar. 

“Teddy? I have a question.” The man in question is currently serving up spaghetti and meatballs with a content look on his face - as if this is an ordinary night, which she guesses it is.

“Shoot honey.” Teddy says cheerily as he carries their bowls of pasta to the couch on a tray.

“Why… Did something happen with the 99? Do they not know?” Amy is staring at her food as she asks it, “I feel like it’s odd that they also haven’t contacted me since the accident.” 

“Uh well, you all just drifted apart I guess.” Teddy shrugs, “I didn’t know until recently that you had stopped talking regularly with them.” 

“Oh… Okay.” Her shoulders slump as she becomes lost in thought again. “What about Jake? He’s so incredibly nosy that I feel like he would find out somehow.”

“You and Jake probably had the bigger loss in terms of falling out of touch.” Teddy begins, looking slightly irritated. “You two had a huge fight when we were about to move, and you refused to tell me anything about it and you haven’t spoken about it since we moved.”

“And we moved in January?”  
  
“Correct.”

“Present Amy really wishes she told you about that fight so I could know why I should be mad.” 

“Trust me, same here. I hate that he made you so upset.” Teddy puts down his fork for a moment to squeeze Amy’s hand, “But we’re here now and we have so much more to focus on. We’re having a baby.”

“Right the baby.” Amy nods half heartedly, “But I also feel like regaining my memory is also a high priority.”  
  
“Of course it is honey.” 

“Because what I remember is us being at the very beginning of our relationship and me even questioning whether we were a good match and now skip four years and we’re married and have a kid on the way. Teddy, that really scares me.”

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” Teddy shakes his head, “I can only support you in your choices.”

“Okay I would like to sleep in separate rooms for now, just until I feel less like I’m about to explode from anxiety.” Amy tells him, biting softly on her lip as he eyes drift to his. “And stop calling me honey, it’s creepy when I don’t remember us.”

“Of course, whatever makes you happy, Ames.”

~

As a joint decision, Amy decides to not go back to work for at least a year. Teddy brought it up out of concern for her safety and wellbeing - she decided that was bullshit. But upon further thought, she concluded that the time before their baby arrived was vital. Amy needed to focus on making sure she was ready for their child with or without her memories. Then a further six months after the baby came for the sake of being with her baby.

The months following her return from hospital are strange. She meets the few friends they had before the accident, and they’re all so excited for the baby. Amy tries really hard to connect with them but she mostly feels uneasy and afraid. They all understand this and tell her to take her time - all so kind yet off to her.

These friends even throw her a gender reveal/baby shower. She’s five and a half months pregnant, physically healthy and she’s made no progress on her memory recovery. She doesn’t want to do this but she knows how excited Teddy is and the past months have been hard on him, so she eventually gives in. Teddy’s mom and his cousins are obsessed with her, making sure Amy has everything she needs and once again she feels completely overwhelmed.

Amy manages to escape to the bathroom for a few minutes and there’s nothing she wants more than to have a cigarette. She takes a few deep breaths and lets her hands run down the curve of her bump. In that moment she can finally feel it kicking, she wants to cry because it’s the most happy she’s felt since waking up. “Thank you mi amor.” She can feel herself calming down as the baby continues to move around, “I know it’s been crazy these past few months, but I’m really excited to meet you and I love you so much.”

Amy lets herself just enjoy the moment for a few minutes before Teddy comes knocking, saying that they’re ready for cake and presents.

It’s a boy. There’s only been one thing she’s been certain of since losing her memory, and it’s that this baby is surely the best thing that will happen in her life despite the circumstances. Amy can hear Teddy going on about how he knew it was going to be a boy because of all her brothers - whom all told her over text they couldn’t make it to their own sister's baby shower.

Amy quickly swallowed her anger down at the thought of her brothers not being there. She’s having a _boy_. Trying to come up with an image of what their baby will look like is hard; she wishes she could be more excited with Teddy but none of it feels right. 

She can’t put a reason to why it all feels so off. Her memories tell her what doubts she was feeling about Teddy, but apparently she worked those out. Surely, she concludes, that these feelings are purely due to her losing her memory. But her gut is telling her otherwise. Maybe hormones were affecting her instincts? Was that even possible? How was she supposed to figure it out when she had so much more to figure out before her baby comes? 

Amy begins to spiral again and _god_ let her have a shame cigarette. She talks about it a lot in therapy, it’s her safe space for her to spiral and for someone to understand to an extent. Her therapist tells her to trust her instinct because they’re likely right. But it hurts her brain every time she begins to try and understand. 

~

During her whole pregnancy, Amy barely dreams. She doesn’t dream too often from what she can remember. This changes in the last few weeks of her pregnancy. It starts off with her riding on a cloud with Jake and Rosa - and Teddy is behind them on a dark cloud full of thunder and lightning. Another time, she’s shaking Holt’s hand who is congratulating her on becoming sergeant. 

This particular night, the day of her due date, is perhaps the strangest of her dreams. The scenes in front of her fade in and out, and they don’t make much sense. She’s sitting at a restaurant across from Jake and they’re talking to these strangers.

“ _He makes me laugh._ ”   
“ _And y’know… There’s really no one else’s opinion I care about more than hers._ ”

The look in his eyes seems so genuine that she needs to know more, but the scene changes and they’re kissing in a small hallway. Her body tenses and she hesitates before she leans into it before he rips away and she realises they’re undercover.

“ _Oh, hey, we were just looking for a place to uh…_ ”  
“ _Boink_ .”  
“ _Yep. Boink. That’s my preferred term for it as well._ ”

“ _Amy and I kissed._ ”  
“ _WHAT?! TELL ME EVERYTHING._ ”

She’s suddenly in a park, Jake standing by a tree with his hands in his pockets when she spots a sketchy asian man watching them. It’s happening again - she’s pressing him against the tree and her lips are pressed against his. His hands fall to her waist and they feel so warm against her that she has to remind herself that it _wasn’t real_.

It isn’t real.

“ _So, a lot of change around here, huh?_ ”

They’re kissing again, and it feels so right. Her dreams were beginning to make more sense than her real life - but this was Jake she was kissing, so it definitely wasn’t right. Jake was an immature, goofy, lazy but smart cop. He _definitely_ wasn’t right for her.

Amy is woken up by a sharp pain in her stomach, growing stronger for a moment before it quickly disappears. Her brain is still foggy from the dream she just had but there is no doubt that it was a contraction. 

It felt real and _familiar_ \- but there was no way, right? Amy was with Teddy, and had been consistently for over 4 years. There’s no time to dwell on it when her brain clears up and she realises her baby is coming today. 

She checks the time as she rolls herself out of bed - 3:48am - and waddles herself to the main bedroom where Teddy is sleeping and wakes him up softly. “Teddy, good morning, the baby’s coming!” Amy is poking him awkwardly.

“What Ames?” Teddy groans, slowly opening his eyes.

“I had a contraction and it was only the first contraction but I’m already super scared and not ready for this.” Amy is sitting next to him now as he sits up, “Will you stay up with me?”

“I’m going to need a lot of coffee but of course I’ll stay up.” Teddy says quietly, his hand covering hers.

“Are you excited?” Amy asks, hands drifting over her large stomach, “Ready to meet little Leo?”

“Why did you chose that name again?” Teddy chuckles, “It’s better than anything I could think of, but I’m still curious.”

“I had a really odd dream about the ninja turtles and it kind of stuck.” Amy shrugs.

“That adorable. I love you.” Teddy pauses for a moment before looking back up at her, “Can I kiss you?”

Teddy brings her in for a soft kiss after she nods, remaining silent. It feels fine, nothing life changing and it doesn’t trigger anything. It brings back the dream she just had - it felt so much more real than the kiss she and Teddy shared. 

Could it be a memory? 

She watches as Teddy gets out of bed to make coffee and Amy remains on his bed, lost in thought. From what Teddy said, they have been together for four years - but there was also a chance this happened behind his back. But neither of them were like that, she refused to believe she would cheat or that Jake would cross that line with how his father was.

She doesn’t know how long she’s spiralling but her thoughts are interrupted when another contraction hits her. Amy remembers the breathing techniques from her binder and gets through it with minimum whining. When she looks up again, Teddy is standing in the doorway staring at her, jaw slack and holding a mug in his hands. “How was it?” He remains where he is and takes a sip of coffee.

“It hurt, so…” Amy mumbles with a weak smile, “Could you get me some water? I feel so heavy and walking to the kitchen is a real struggle.” 

“Oh right, sure.” Teddy is very clearly frazzled as he shuffles out of the doorway and comes back with water a few moments later.

“This is happening, Teddy.”

~

It’s fourteen hours later at 6:14PM on November 26, 2018 when Leo Santiago is born. Right on time, he’s definitely a Santiago child. Amy had kicked Teddy out an hour earlier because he was making her uncomfortable for reasons too complicated to go into while having a contraction every 3 minutes. Amy’s nurse was better support than Teddy had been anyway - he had been awkward and quiet.

The moment she had been cleaned up, Teddy was back in the room. He rushed to her side and looked down at the baby. “I’m so sorry I was so weird Amy I should have been in here for you.” 

“Teddy, don’t worry about it. Just look at… our son.” Amy strokes Leo’s chubby cheek with the back of her finger and her heart feels so light. Despite everything that happened, with her accident and not remembering her husband while pregnant. She shakes it off when she looks at Leo again.

“He’s gorgeous, honey.” Teddy whispers, “Can I hold him?”

“Of course.” He bends down and scoops Leo up into his arms. Leo begins to whimper as if he’s uncomfortable, and it slowly becomes louder before Teddy returns him to Amy’s arms. 

“I think maybe he’s hungry.” Amy nods at his suggestion, happy to have Leo back in her arms.

She’s silent as she prepares to feed Leo, and it’s such a natural instinct and it’s the most normal she’s felt in months. The dream comes back to the forefront of her mind and she looks up at Teddy with guilt. “I have to tell you something…” 

“Yes Ames?” He’s smiling softly at the two of them, and she can’t do it to him. It can’t be real, and there’s no reason to cause a problem between the two of them now. 

“I love you.” His smile only grows in size as he leans down to kiss her chastely, then kissing Leo’s head.

“I love you both too. So much.” 

~ 

They get to go home a few days later, and Amy and Teddy fall into a great rhythm. Amy barely sleeps, but it’s normal and she loves to spend time watching her son. Teddy gets a month off as paternity leave and it really helps them to grow closer and helps them bond as a small family.

Leo is an angel baby, who quickly falls into a Santiago style schedule. He looks almost identical to how Amy looked as a baby, except his hair has soft curls in it and the shape of his lips is different to hers. 

Amy can’t help but notice how Teddy is struggling to bond with Leo, like he’s holding a complete strangers baby. He’s been nervous to be a father, she knows he’s tried to hide it - but even with no memory of their relationship he is very easy to read. She knows he’s trying though.

Leo has been the only thing keeping her from drowning in her overwhelmed feelings. Since he’s arrived she’s been happier than she’s felt in a long time.

Amy is happy. 

+

Jake is depressed.

They’re a week into the new year and he feels like he’s dragging himself from place to place. He had been doing well until December came around and he had to face the holidays without Amy by his side. He rang in the new year in their apartment, multiple empty beer bottles on the coffee table in front of him and one in hand - and he tried not to think about her. He really tired, but then he thought about his friends who were spending the holidays with their own families. 

Jake went back to work the next day while most of their squad took it off. He mostly just sits at his desk, reading case files over and over to make sense of them. Detective work doesn’t bring him the same joy it used to - he keeps staring at what used to be Amy’s desk. If he was able to distract himself with a case, it was usually to easy. The criminals in Brooklyn had become predictable to him.

It’s not until Holt assigns him a missing persons case that he truly becomes invested in his work again. Jake is told to study the case file now because the missing persons husband was coming in for questioning as an obvious suspect to their disappearance.

He’s instantly hooked onto every word the file says. Johanna Rapley, 29, married, missing for 24 hours. Kindergarten teacher, no children. Been with her husband for 6 years. Phone, wallet and keys left in their apartment with no signs of struggle or anything that would connote a robbery.

It takes him less than a minute to start comparing. Amy Santiago, 35, married (technically?), missing for almost 8 months. Police sergeant, no children. Been with her husband (technically?) for 3 years. 

Whether it’s easy or not, Jake knows he will be obsessed with this case because he can _relate_. Amy was declared deceased long ago and as far as everyone knows, he’s dropped the case. But on a rare, more sad night, he will pour over it and convince himself that she’s not dead - just missing. He knows that the longer a person has been missing, the more likely they are to be dead. His gut tells him otherwise, but he’s beginning to not trust it because he knows that logically, Amy is gone.

Nick, Johanna’s husband, comes in and he is very clearly stressed about being there. Their new Captain’s assistant takes the man to the interrogation room and he allows him to stew for a minute or so as Jake gathers himself.

“Nicholas Rapley, how are you today?” Jake huffs, dropping himself into the seat across from him and opening the file.

“My wife is missing, so not great.” He crosses his arms, a very defensive stance.

“You might know that in missing persons cases like these, the husband is always usually the main suspect.”

“Yeah I’ve seen cop shows. But I guarantee I have no clue what happened. The last time I saw Jo was before I left for work.” There’s an honesty in his eyes that Jake wants to believe him, but he’s a cop and he has to keep his mind open. “You need to believe me. I love her more than anything.”

“You can love someone and something in you snaps that makes you do something to hurt those you love.”

“Well I didn’t. I’m so afraid of never seeing her again; I want to hear her laugh again, to bake while she’s dancing in our kitchen covered in flour. I’m scared.” Distress is radiating off Nick, and he takes a quick glance at Jake’s hand, before continuing. “You’re married. You can understand that right?”

Jake is tense as he looks down at his left hand, where his wedding band remains. “Yes. I understand.”

+

He puts his entire soul into finding this man’s wife. It takes him until the beginning of March, whoever had done this took careful steps. 

But finally Jake tracks down his perp, an ex boyfriend who has been reported but not convicted for sexual assault in the past. He’s picked up by police officers over in Boston, and it’s a long trip to pick him up but he needs it. This case is _important_ and he needs to complete it himself.

The drive up is quiet, and it reminds him of the time he and Amy had to transfer a perp back to the 99. This trip would be infinity times better if she were there with him, they could have made it a nice little vacation - he had never been to Boston. There was no time for it now, no need for it. He didn’t want to see Boston if Amy wasn’t with him.

Jake isn’t expecting much from this trip at all, so when he arrives at the precinct the last thing expects is to be greeted by Captain Teddy Wells. He immediately doesn’t want to be there; he wants to take Max Soleo and get back home to Brooklyn. But Teddy is just as shocked to see him, and for a moment they’re just staring at each other.

“Hello Jake, uh, how are you?” Teddy stands up and walks around to shake his hand.

“Hey, yeah I’m okay.” Jake accepts his hand awkwardly, “I heard about your promotion to Captain here. Congrats.”

“Yeah thanks.” Teddy looks down at his feet for a moment, “How have things been? Since…?” 

“Things are fine. We don’t need to talk about it.” Jake is completely tense with his arms crossed, “I’m glad things are going well for you.”

“Thanks man! I actually just had a baby a few months ago.” He picks up a photo from his desk, which shows a chubby smiling baby. “He looks exactly like his mom though, but I love him.”

Jake is too upset to actually look at the picture properly, he spots dark curly hair and brown eyes but he looks away. Why does Teddy get to find someone and have a baby with them and be _happy_? Jake has had the only person who was truly important to him in his life taken away from him and he believes he’ll never be happy again and here Teddy is babbling on about his kid (Leo, he catches, good name) and how he laughed for the first time this week.

“That’s great Teddy. I’m sorry but I’m on a tight schedule so if we could get back to business.” Jake feels dizzy as Teddy begin to talk fast about the transfer of the prisoner and he just needs to get out _quick_ before he loses his mind.

The rest of the case is a blur. As always, his brain takes this new information and shoves it deep down - his focus on the case more intense and obsessive than ever. He takes the perp back to Brooklyn, interrogates him with a new fire in him, finds Nick’s wife’s mangled body in a river, breaks the news to him. He fills the paper work in record time, and has it on Captain Holt’s desk before his shift is done. After Holt thanks him, Jake wipes his hands against his pants.

“What do you need, Peralta?” He looks up from the laptop on his desk with a curious glance, “Are you doing okay?”

“No.” Jake huffs, “I’m quitting the NYPD.” 

“Would you like to repeat yourself?” Holt closes his laptop, his focus completely on him.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I’m not happy in this job anymore, and this last case was too much for me.” Jake runs his hand through his fluffy curls, “I’ve thought through it.”

“Why don’t you just transfer? That seems far more responsible than just quitting.” Holt says, full of emotion in his own bland way. “It’s going to get easier, Jake.”

“Everyone keeps telling me that but it’s been almost a year and it hasn’t.” Jake shouts, “I can’t do this job anymore, she’s _everywhere_.

“What are you going to do? What is your plan?” Holt is leaning forward, almost looking desperate, “At least if you stay here you will have something to do.”

“I’m not sure, but I’ve made up my mind. ” Holt stands as Jake removes his badge and gun and places them quietly on the desk in front of him. Jake allows Holt to wrap him in a tight hug as he lets the tears fall. “I’m sorry.”

“We’re here for you, always.”

~

Jake has been haunting Amy since _that_ dream. She had convinced herself that it was a weird pregnancy dream, but months later the same dream appears. 

It leaves her confused and anxious when she's awoken by Leo for his perfectly scheduled second feed of the night. What is worse is that after he's been fed - he begins to smile up at her. 

Leo is an extremely happy baby - he will smile at any stranger that he makes contact with and it's fairly easy to make him laugh. His joy is a positive influence to everybody that meets him and he's only 6 months old. 

This all freaks her out because when he smiles up at Amy - she feels this odd pang of familiarity. It was a smile that gave off the same warmth that she felt when Jake smiled at her in her dream. 

And Leo bares zero resemblance to Teddy. 

She never thought too much into it - that maybe Leo was just her twin. The fact that this dream has occurred twice is making her truly wonder if it's actually a memory. That could be so vital into finding out more about the 4 years she lost.

But if it were a memory - what would that mean for her and Teddy? They had _just_ decided on their 5 year plan - after Leo turns one they were going to find a house to grow their family in, and once they settled and Leo was a bit older they were going to begin trying for another baby. Hopefully by the time their new baby would arrive she will have passed her lieutenants exam. 

If she had cheated on him, possibly even had an affair that landed her pregnant - what would that do to them? Was this the ‘fight’ that estranged her and Jake? Did Teddy lie to her and say that he didn't know what the fight was about? Amy can feel her temples begin to throb with the familiar headache of when she tries to deal with her lost memories. 

Her fingers idly stroke Leo's soft curls as she tries to bring herself down from her spiral. Amy isn't sure when Teddy appears in the doorway but she is certain he witnessed her entire freakout from the look on his face. 

"What's wrong, honey?" Teddy kneels in front of her and tightly grasps her free hand. 

"I need to ask you something." Amy breathes deeply before continuing. "Did Jake and I have an affair?" 

"Excuse me?" Teddy's eyes almost pop out of his head, and she can feel the guilt about to swallow her whole. 

"I had this dream, and this was back when I was still pregnant. Jake and I were on an undercover mission and we kissed a few times, and then again in the evidence lockup…For realz." Amy looks down at Leo again, her fingers moving from his hair to his soft cheeks. "I wouldn't think much of it but it felt so real and at the time it was the only thing that made sense in my life."

"That sounds like crazy pregnancy dreams, Ames. You would tell me if you kissed Jake, even for work." Teddy shakes his head and stands up, "Why would a silly dream lead you to believe that?" 

"Like I said ever since the accident, _that dream_ is the only thing that made sense to me. Plus you said he and I had a huge fight, what if us having an affair was the cause of said fight?" Amy looks up at Teddy before looking at Leo again. "And… Everytime Leo smiles, it reminds me of Jake…" 

She trails off, her eyes still trained on Leo as an excuse not to look at Teddy and his reaction. "Do you know how _fucking ridiculous_ you sound right now!?" Teddy has gone from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds and is full blown yelling. "Leo is my son!" 

Amy stands up from her nursing couch and places Leo back in his crib before dragging him out into the hallway. "If we're going to fight at least have the common decency to not to do it in front of a baby." Amy growls, "Look, I don't have any idea of what I am talking about. I have no clue of the past 4 years and I am just _so confused_! Teddy I'm trying to understand."

"And you came to the conclusion that you had an affair with Jake and that I'm not the father of our baby?" 

"Teddy, I-" 

"Amy I've had enough. I'm sorry you're confused and still scared, but that kid is _mine_." His hands grip onto her shoulders tighter than necessary, "I love you and I have complete faith that you just had a crazy pregnancy dream and have never cheated."

"I feel so stupid - I just want to remember and be at peace with that part of my life." 

"I can't even begin to imagine how you feel." Amy buries herself into his arms. "But this is a low blow, because I know _us_ and I know you wouldn't do that to _us_." 

"I'm sorry for considering that Leo is anything but your son. I just got freaked out and made strange links, I knew they were insane." Amy pulls back to make sure he knows how much she means it, "We can't pretend everything is perfect but I love you so much Teddy." 

"Don't worry about it. It's you and me forever." 

~

Living without her memories becomes easier as time passes. It doesn't come up in conversation everyday anymore, only on occasion when someone asks her about it. Amy has her life with Teddy and Leo to move on with - she can't be stuck in the past with Leo growing so quickly. 

Leo is six and a half months old when Amy goes back to work. It was an important part of moving on with her life, going back to feeling normal. She had to transfer to a new precinct as her old one wasn’t able to wait for her - and it would be great to have her space from Teddy. Working with her partner sounds like a pain, especially when a higher rank than herself. 

It’s weird; Amy is now the sergeant of the detective squad, and all she can pick out are the similarities between her new coworkers and her old friend. Det. Simpson and Det. Louis are as imcompetent as Hitchcock and Scully however they aren’t lactose intolerant so they don’t fart as much. Det. Ravis loves food almost as much as Amy remembers Charles loving it, but she doesn’t like dogs _at all_. Det. Lani is almost a mix of Gina and Rosa - but he’s a dude, and significantly less threatening in every way possible. 

Det. Cowen is the only one Amy can’t place with anyone she knew in her old squad. Cowen is a shy and quiet girl when she first meets her, but she seems very focused. During the day Amy discovers that she’s the joker; it’s in a very subtle way but she makes everyone around her laugh. Amy wants to say she reminds her of Jake, but she remembers him as exuberant and wanting to make a fool of himself at any given time - but there’s something about Cowen that seems almost sad in everything she does.

She later discovers that this energy is for a reason. Their captain informs Amy that months earlier, Det. Cowen had lost her long time girlfriend to cancer. She can’t explain with it resonates so deeply with her but losing a loved one is painful and imagining losing her parents over again makes her own heart ache. 

It’s her priority to make sure her first case assigned is with Cowen - there’s a part of Amy that is pulled towards her, like she’s important for her. 

They click right away; it’s light hearted and fun working with Christina. She doesn’t take note right away of the way her goofiness reminds her of someone back where her heart remains. Christina shares her anguish of losing her girlfriend, and Amy opens up about her memory loss and the accident. It’s the most normal she feels when she doesn’t have Leo by her side, and it’s a great feeling to have again.

Her need to return to New York dwindles away as she becomes closer with her squad and as her son grows; she truly feels like everything is right in her world.

+

May 15th rolls around too quickly for Jake’s liking. 

He’s gotten into a routine of sorts; he stays up until 3 in the morning, sleeps until 11 then rushes to go wait on stupid tables for 12 hours. On his nights off he spends alone and it’s not always sad - and sometimes even his mom will come over and watch Die Hard.

He is okay. 

A month into his new routine, Rosa and Charles tried to convince him to come back to his old job - that he will be happy again. He tells them how he needs this, he needs something different to simply forget. They don’t find out about his increasing drink intakes for another month and when they do he pushes them away for good. The less reminder of Amy, the better. 

Jake is doing just fine.

They continue to try to help him, but he doesn’t answer their calls anymore because he just wants to forget. His friends’ constant pity and help is as if they’re screaming ‘ _AMY IS DEAD_ ’ into his ear. 

Now it’s been exactly a year since it happened.

And he still misses her; it feels as if she’s the sun and he hasn’t felt warmth since the sun went down. Jake’s mind still betrays him some nights and tries to convince himself that Amy is alive; and his gut in those moments goes crazy but he learnt to stop listening to it.

Amy is dead.

And what if she isn’t?

Jake can’t be surprised that the anniversary of the incident is one of the _what if_ days. “Jake stop it. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it-”

He’s dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, forcing the images of the day away from his mind. Flashes of her white dress, flowers, her smile, and the sounds of an explosion and building collapsing. Amy - bleeding - “Stop it, stop it, stop it!” 

Jake’s breath is coming up short and he doesn’t notice the door open or his old boss until he’s on the floor with him. He’s had anxiety attacks before, and frequently since the accident but he’s never felt more like he’s dying than in this moment. He can’t hear a word that Holt is saying to him - he doesn’t care to hear it. Jake just wants to hear Amy’s voice again. 

It’s a while before he’s able to breathe properly again, but he doesn’t try to stop the tears. He knows Holt is trying to talk to him again but his grief is so intense that it’s blocking out the noise. It feels just as raw a year later, the pain so overwhelming like he’s falling down a never ending hole.

 _It’s because she’s not dead_. 

He covers his ears as if it could shut his inner thoughts up. “Jake, you know it’s not possible. Even if she had lost her memory we would have heard from her through her family, or she would have shown up somewhere.” Holt tells him sadly; he wasn’t aware he was saying any of this out loud.

“My heart and gut try to tell me she’s alive a lot. I know it’s not really possible after a year, but it always comes back.” Jake whines, trying to control his breathing again. “I want it to fuck off, I want to feel okay again.”

“I want to help anyway I can so-”

“Don’t say it.” Jake growls. There’s only so many times he can hear ‘it will get easier’ or ‘you will be happy again’ without his head exploding.

“I wasn’t going to.” Holt adjusts himself so that they’re facing each other now, “Things are different now. The loss of Amy is something that will affect you forever. But you know she would want you to be happy - this isn’t what she would want.”

“Get out.” Jake stands up, “You started off on the right note but then you think you can decide what Amy would want. Get out.” 

“Okay, I respect you decision. We love and miss you dearly, Jake. See you next week.” 

With that he’s alone again. Until Holt comes back for his weekly check up. 

~

For Leo’s first birthday, they decide to make a trip down to New York. It was conveniently the same time as the annual NY Cop Con and they figure it would be nice to take him to the place they fell in love even if he won’t remember it later.

At the first sight of the city, Amy feels an intense warmth of _home_ in her chest. She was home. Leo begins to wake up at this time as well and begins babbling to himself and she begins teaching him all about her old home in Brooklyn.

“I hope we’ll actually have _time_ to go to Brooklyn.” Teddy tells her, “We have a jam packed weekend.”

“We talked about this, Teddy, we have to make time. It could help with my memories.” Amy frowns deeply, “Everyone I know has suggested me coming back here, and we’re finally here you have to give me a chance.”

“ _If_ we have time.” Teddy looks almost angry, like she had said the worst thing possible to him. 

The silence is tense for a few more minutes before he takes her hand in his and smiles at her softly. They spend most of the ride like that and his anger dissipates on his face but she can still feel it in how tightly he is holding her hand. Amy is used to his tight grip by now, and she understands his need to hold her so aggressively since she almost _died_.

Once they arrived at their hotel and Leo is down for the night, Amy allows herself to relax on the balcony with Teddy.

“Boston is a wonderful city, but nothing will ever beat a New York skyline.” Amy sighs happily, “It’s such a beautiful view.”

“Not as beautiful as you.” Teddy laughs along with her softly, kissing her forehead.

“Don’t be so cheesy.” Amy blushes, leaning into his side more.

“I love you, Amy. No matter what.” Teddy mumbles, “I want you to always know that.”

She turns around, confused but happy as her hand rests on his cheek leaning up to kiss him. “I love you Teddy. No matter what.”

~

Amy feels particularly uneasy when Teddy leaves her to go hang out with his old precinct for the rest of the day. Leo is refusing to stay in his stroller so he’s slowing her down significantly as she walks from stall to stall, holding his hand. She can feel a familiar headache growing in her head, and she just needs Leo to be _quiet_ so she can see the new tech and go back to their hotel so she can _rest_.

She is entranced by a new display of bomb suits, she doesn’t notice the magnetising effect it has on her and she definitely doesn’t hear the man explaining what was new about them.

There’s a flash of Teddy in a bomb suit and Jake next to her in a neat tuxedo. Amy feels the room begin to spin around her before she falls to the ground and she can hear Leo start screaming before everything goes dark.

-

_“Thank you for doing this. I love you”_

_“Noice... smort…_

_I love you too.”_

-

Her eyes open for another moment and Rosa’s concerned expression appears in her vision before she blacks out again. 

-

_“Look, you can’t be afraid to be successful, you’re too good for that.”_

_“I love you.”_

-

_“Amy Santiago will you… Marry me?”_

_“Surprise.”_

-

The images flash through her head so quickly, yet she remembers every detail of it all. The final memory she know will haunt her for the rest of her life.

_Jake lying just feet from her with blood streaming steadily from a wound on his head and a large piece of rubble crushing his rib cage. Amy reaches for him but pain in her shoulder stops her from reaching fully. “Jake, I love you.” Amy whispers, a single tear mixing with the dirt on her face._

_“We’re going to be okay, Amy.” Jake gasps in pain as he reaches the rest of the way to hold her hand, “I love you Amy.”_

_It’s not long before they see a fireman running into the building, moving to take the larger pieces of rubble off Jake’s chest. “Take her, get Amy. Get her first.” Jake wheezes, squeezing Amy’s hand._

_“Sir, you are likely severely injured. We have more men searching and we will have her out in no time.” The man begins to pick up Jake, and he groans loudly in pain, continuing to beg the man to take Amy and not him._

_“I love you, it’s okay.” Amy tries to reassure him as he begins to cry weakly. “We’re going to be okay.”_

_Jake finally concedes, letting the fireman take him away. It’s not a minute later when Teddy comes into her fading vision. “Amy I’m getting you out of here.” Teddy wastes no time in carefully lifting her off the ground._

_“Jake…” She can see Teddy’s mouth moving and he’s talking to keep her awake but she’s fading so quickly. The last thing she sees before complete darkness is fire, and Teddy carrying her out of the wrong exit._

-

When she comes back to, Leo is giggling and slapping her arm. “Mamamamama!” He’s squealing when she opens her eyes, the lights overwhelming her senses.

“Hey Leo baby.” Amy grins softly before examining her surroundings, realising she was still in the Cop Con venue laid out on a couch in a separate room.

“You’re _dead_.” Amy jumps at the sound of Rosa’s shaky voice, “There was no substantial evidence of you possibly dying but we couldn’t find you so they pronounced you _dead_.”

Amy sits up slowly, her head throbbing intensely. She looks to her old friend who looks completely on the verge of breaking down, and Amy’s own heart breaks for her. They embrace tightly; she can hear Rosa begin to cry quietly and Amy can’t help herself either, especially after Leo attempts to join but gets frustrated when there’s no room for him.

“He…” Rosa stares at the boy as she separates herself, “Jake?”

“Yeah, there’s no doubt about that now.” Amy laughs, “I’ve spent the last year thinking I had an affair with Jake; it’s been a weird year.”

“What happened? If you’re feeling up to tell me.” Rosa hesitates, looking between Leo and Amy.

“Teddy happened.” Amy shrugs, “When I woke up… He told me there was a fire, to explain the burns and a broken leg, lucky for him that I lost my memory.”

“The _bastard_.” Rosa growls, “You’ve been gone for a year and a half when you should have been home here. Where is Teddy?”

“He said he was going out with his old precinct.” Amy takes Leo into her arms as she speaks so he doesn’t hurt himself, “Um, Rosa, is Jake here?”

“No.” Rosa cringes, a sad look in her eyes, “Jake quit 9 months ago. He kind of pushed us away.”

Amy finds herself beginning to cry again as Rosa tells her about the grief he went through since he woke up. Her _husband_ , quit his dream job, because he couldn’t cope with the reminders of her. “We need to find him.” Amy says desperately, “I need to see him.”

“Amy, before I do that we need to call for backup so we can arrest Teddy.” 

“But Jake-”

“Come on, I’m going to take you back to mine and Gina’s place and we can figure it out from there.” Rosa offers to help Amy as she stands, “We have to move quick. Teddy has held you unknowingly captive for over a year, we have no idea what he’ll do if you go missing.”

~

Rosa looks over at Amy every once in a while on the cab ride home, likely still completely shocked that she has believed Amy was dead for a year and a half. It’s hard for her to process as well, her family was actually alive and her friends didn’t forget her; most importantly her best friend didn’t hate her and just thought she was dead like the rest of them. 

When they arrive at Rosa’s apartment, she asks her to remain in the front area while she explains everything to Gina. She hears their general chatter, then silence followed by glass shattering on the ground and footsteps rushing towards Amy.

Gina freezes when she spots Amy, jaw dropping slowly as her eyes move between Amy and Leo. For a few moments she examines them quietly before finally whispering, “When was he born?”

“November 26.” Amy replies quietly.

“A s-sagittarius.” Gina croaks, opening her arms as she walks towards Amy, “He will probably fight with Iggy a lot but it’s nothing we can’t work through.”

Amy laughs as Gina wraps her in a tight hug. “Hi Gina.”

Gina starts to cry as well, which she honestly doesn’t expect. “I can’t believe it. This is like some fever dream.” Gina laughs brokenly, “I missed you, Arnie.”

“I missed that awful nickname.” Amy agrees as they seperate. Leo yawns in that moment and rests his head against Amy’s shoulder. “Is there somewhere I can put him down for a nap?”

When Amy exits their guest bedroom, Leo happily sleeping in the makeshift cot made of pillows, Rosa is on the phone with who she assumes is backup. 

“She’s calling back up then going to get her gear and head off.” Gina confirms, “Now I know you will probably want to find Jake, but we need to stay safe here until Teddy is in custody, don’t want to risk anything.”  
  
“I understand obviously.” Amy nods fiercely as her mind races. “I don’t know what I’m going to say. How do you approach someone who thinks you have been dead for a year and a half?”

“Jake never gave up on you.” Gina says quietly, “Holt told us he said that his always gut told him that you were alive, but he convinced himself it was his brain trying to trick him.”

“I had the same feeling, about the one memory that came back before Leo was born. Both myself and Teddy tried to convince me it was my pregnancy brain but it always came back up.” Amy shakes her head, “I feel so angry that this happened. Surely we’ve been through enough.”

“I think the universe is now legally obligated to leave you two alone now.”

~

Amy is caught up with the entire year and a half in their squad while the mission to arrest Teddy is underway; Holt became commissioner, Gina left the 99 to chase her dreams and Terry finally passed his Lieutenants exam were a few of the highlights. When the door opens suddenly, Amy jumps to her feet not knowing what to expect but relaxes when she feels Charles crash into her and immediately sobbing.

“Hey Boyle, how are you?” Amy chuckles, patting his back lightly. When she looks up again, Holt is standing there; emotion for once very evident in his features. Boyle lets her go and she rushes to her mentor crushing him too in a long hug.

“It’s good to see you alive and well, Amy.” He has to clear his throat to compose himself before continuing. “Jake is still located at the apartment you shared. I’m afraid it’s a mess last time I was there, but he’s there nonetheless.”

The drive to her apartment is the strangest feeling. Amy leaves Leo with Gina and Rosa, and Holt fills him in on the arrest of Teddy; he apparently gave in easy once he saw her squad walking into the bar he was situated - drunk out of his mind. She doesn’t care to listen so much because all she can focus on is Jake.

~

Holt offers to come up with her, to maybe ease Jake into the news, but she insists on going alone. Amy needs to see Jake with absolutely no distractions around them - so she can hug and kiss him, so they can cry together if needed. So they can be _together_.

Amy stands outside the front door for way too long making sure she can breathe properly. She finally knocks. Words escape her as soon as she saw his face, cheeks sunken in slightly and hair wilder than she can imagine. The tiredness on his face screams at her, like he knows nothing else but that.

He closes his eyes for a split second before opening them again and smiling, “ _Am I dead_?”

“Wh-what?” Amy stummers quietly, eyebrows cinching together.

“I must be dead, and you’re here to take me home. To the afterlife or whatever.” Jake’s chin quivers as tears begin streaming down his face, “I missed you so much, Ames.”

“Neither of us are dead, Jake.” Amy says, “It’s such a long story Jake, but I was never dead.”

Amy is ready for when Jake falls forward in shock. The extra muscle built from carrying a 1 year old around kicks in, helping her to drag Jake to the couch to lay down. It’s easy to remember where everything is, and she has a damp towel and cup of water ready for him quickly.

The closer she looks at him, the more she sees Leo. His skin complexion, nose, eye and hair colour are identical to hers, but everything else she sees is Jake. She begins to cry out of anger at everything Teddy had done to them, and how this would affect their lives forever. 

“Is it really you, Amy? I don’t want this to be another dream. I can’t handle another dream like this.” Jake begins to cry in earnest as soon as he opens his eyes again.

“You’re awake, this isn’t a dream, I’m here.” Amy cries softly alongside him, her hand above his heart. “The nightmare is over.”

“Kiss me.” Jake hiccups, “Dream Amy never kisses me.”

Amy does so with no hesitation, warmth fills her entire soul as their lips finally meet. She’s _home_.

Once they part, he jumps off the couch and pulls her in for the tightest hug of them all. “I knew you were alive! You’re really alive!” He’s shouting so joyfully, and she can see the light returning to his eyes. “Amy, god, I love you so much. I missed you.”

He’s kissing her again; her face, nose, lips, jaw. Amy can’t help the purely happy giggles that escape her mouth before she kisses him again - the joy too difficult to express with words in that moment - and it doesn’t take long for it to escalate to a point where they need to move. There’s no need for explanations in that moment, only time for the two of them.

~

Reality comes crashing down on their reunion bubble when she sees that Rosa has called her twice in the past half hour. “Ames, what’s up?” Jake sits up to rest his head on her shoulder as she reads the few texts sent.

“There’s one thing I do need to tell you now.” Amy straightens herself and turns to face him.

“What is it?” Jake looks mildly concerned, but the happiness still mostly radiates off him.

“We have a kid.” Amy keeps her eye contact and her voice calm, “His name is Leo, and he was born November 26, 2018. It was a miracle he survived the ordeal, but he did and he’s the most perfect baby.”

“Leo.” Jake tests out it for himself, a smile growing quickly, “You massive nerd. You named him after a ninja turtle.”

“I literally had a dream about the ninja turtles and even if I didn’t remember it at the time, it was definitely your influence.” Amy laughs, “Rosa says he won’t go back to sleep. He needs me.”

“I would love to come… And meet him, y’know.” Jake says eagerly, before retreating shyfully and shrugging, “I should probably apologise to everyone for my behaviour as well.”

“You don’t need to apologise, they understand.” Amy assures him, “You’re feelings were completely valid.”

“I love you.” Jake sighs, leaning over to kiss her once more.

“I love you too. Now get some clothes on, our son needs us.”

+

Amy tells him all about Leo on the drive back to Rosa’s. He’s apparently a very happy baby, smiles at everyone - even when he’s cranky he will laugh for the sake of laughing. 

He’s almost certain that Leo is the same baby Teddy had been bragging about months earlier, especially since learning the whole story. If Jake hadn’t been feeling so extremely exuberant about seeing Amy again, he would have definitely gone to where Teddy was being held and punch him a few times. One day he’ll tell Amy about those dark days, but he was about to meet his son, so it definitely wasn’t the right time. 

Leo is screaming when they enter Rosa’s apartment hands held tightly. She’s the first to let go so she can rush to take Leo out of Gina’s grasp. Jake watches as Amy is quickly able to cool down the cries of the small child, and not a few moments later she has him giggling as she had told him. His heart fills with a newfound love he thought in his darkest days that he would never experience again.

But he is. His family standing right in front of him, and he almost feels like it’s a dream again before Amy beacons him closer and he takes in every feature, so he can never possibly forget this moment. “Hey Leo.” Jake laughs awkwardly, “Cool name. Um, I’m your dad. You can’t really understand what I’m saying but I don’t think that matters right now.”

Leo lets out a small giggle at his awkwardness, and Jake can’t help the enormous grin that appears on his face. Amy’s smile is just as bright, and she offers to hand him over. Jake feels awkward still when holding him, but Amy assures him that he’s doing fine and Leo seems comfortable enough.

Completely entranced by Leo, he doesn’t notice Rosa and Gina leave the room, and Amy is staring at him with utmost adoration. She then starts mentioning scrapbooking and catching up with family photos so they can really make up for lost time.

It’s not long before she cuddles up to his side, and both Leo and Amy fall asleep on him. He decides in the moment before he falls asleep, that if this were a dream, it was the best one yet.

~

It’s no trouble to delay Leo’s birthday plans. The next morning they spend together as a family, and Amy goes over his first year in photos and videos. It’s their chance to catch up more before they have to go back to reality.

Reality being telling her parents that she’s alive and has a baby. Dealing with the emotions of their grief over again, and having to explain how Teddy accomplished such a feat - 

Overnight they had gotten a full signed confession. How he had planted the bomb, and taken Amy out in the midst of the chaos. Teddy’s plan of staying in New York for the months she recovered and to establish a sense of innocence. His deleting all their personal information online and having multiple burner phones to feign contact with her brothers as to not seem overly suspicious. He’d also explained how lucky he was that she had forgotten her relationship with Jake and that his plan relied heavily on any sort of memory loss. 

\- It was a lot for all the people in her life to take in, but they got through it. Christmas doesn’t help them settle as easy as they would want, but Jake becomes accustomed with his father duties and Amy settles back into New York. Their jobs at the 99 were still available for them to start in the next year - all they had to do was be ready. 

They deal with legal matters; Amy giving her full side to the story. Reliving it is painful now with her _real memories_ and her _real husband_ by her side. But Jake is there, and he’s supportive as ever. 

By the new year, they were finally ready to celebrate their sons first birthday. Leo won’t remember this day at all, but they make a big deal out of it anyway. If her whole family, including Leo’s father, had to miss out on his first year then she would make it a big damn party.

Her entire family and their work family manage to fit into a cheap rental since it was too cold to host in a park. Even Christine drives down from Boston to celebrate Leo, and watching her with Jake truly emphasises the similarities between them. 

Everyone knows the celebration is bigger than Leo - there’s tears and speeches and children’s games. There’s gifts for Leo then gifts for both Jake and Amy. It’s the wedding reception they never got mixed with Leo’s first birthday. The photos with the blue and yellow streamers and balloons in the background of a smiling family are the ones that are engraved in their memories forever - hung in their homes and sitting on their desks.

No one speaks of the grief they experienced, only of the joy the future holds for their family. 

**Author's Note:**

> i've worked very hard on this for two weeks now so pls kudos and comments are extremely appreciated!!


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